Heavy Rainfall Warning

It is almost three AM 

And I sit in front of my open window

Alone, eyes heavy

Listening to the rain fall

 down 

      down 

           down

The puddles are uninterrupted by passing cars 

My view is blocked by this safety rail

Whose purpose is to stop me from falling away from reality

    (I let it know it's too late for that)

The rain falls harder under the streetlight

Windows across the street are illuminated 

It seems there are other lonely souls up at this unseemly hour

Cramming in Hobbes or Holderlin or Ginsberg 

or maybe just long overdue chats with friends

I am doing none of that, although I should

I am tired of should

The wind blows into my room,

Pleased that I have open the window

I shiver 

A taxi drives slowly down the road, interrupting my solitude

     Please stay 

I only need to become the tiniest bit more insignificant

And then I can slip through the bars of this guardrail

I can fly away

What is it that keeps me here alone and shivering in front of the open window? 

Something must 

The fog rolls in

And I just sit 

And watch

And contemplate 

And wish and hope and dream and cry and feel and yearn

And sigh 

The wind caresses my face

Wraps its cold arms around me

And sings a lullaby

Until the gentle sound of rain

Is no more 

Try

I fell in love with the idea of you. 

The thought of you was too tempting to resist 

The man of my dreams?

I wouldn't go so far as that

Try: the man who I adapted my dreams to

I fell in love with your friendship 

Blissful and ignorant and cared for

      That was me

      And that was good 

Try: perhaps everything I wanted but was not really sure either way

Warm fuzzies flooded my heart 

When you were near 

      I'm just a cold person 

      With a sadly broken heart

I fell in love with the idea of you

Which you've now left behind 

Try: the man I thought I needed

But that's okay

I have the part of you I love

You just sit there and grin your stupid grin

Try: the idea of you was too good to be true

Broken Windows

The air is heavy with snow that has yet to fall

Out my window, Lights glow softly for those of us who cannot yet sleep 

The road glistens

And I lose the hope I've carefully stockpiled 

Disengaged

Not… sustainable

Words you don't even know the meaning of 

Tossed carelessly around 

Wind shakes the window pane

Which shakes the wall

I shiver

I have no hovel to protect me from this storm 

    Poor Tom's a-cold! 

The clouds remain heavy with anticipation 

But the rain pelts down 

     Or that's what I answer when 

     asked why my face is wet 

Starlight, star bright

      I didn't want this 

I wish I may, I wish I might 

      Help me to understand.

      Please don't leave. 

And so it goes 

Four Way Stop

It is 2 AM and the city shimmers 

The window pane is tear stained

A police car flashes its lights up the block

My back hurts 

The room is full of light that does not belong to me

I am too tired to write this down. 

I look across the city and feel alone.

I long to open my window as wide as it goes 

And reach out

All the way out

Until I feel the water on my face. 

       The wind calls my name 

       Just like everyone says it should 

I want to give in

And let it cradle me

To the sleep I have been avoiding 

To the sleep that won't come. 

The asphalt glistens purple 

The sole stop light flashes red

Stop. 

Then go

Stop

Please stop. 

Inhale, Exhale, Inhale

The smells of
skunk spray and cigarette smoke
linger
in the thick curtain of rain

I cannot inhale for fear of distaste
     Avoid the bitterness
     Avoid my neighbours

I use my other senses to live
forgetting the necessity of breath
as the rain streams down harder
     my eyes capture the night
     my ears are soothed by the rain
     my mouth is cooled by the moisture
     my skin tingles from the chilled air

I sit at my window and stare
at the passing specters
and urge time to pass faster
     and slower still

     and slower still

     And then it all
     stops
     before my eyes

I inhale

and tumble back into the
mess of a life that I have

and that midnight rain can never fix

Junk Heap

A pile of rusting junk
stretched mangled arms into the clear
blue sky

I feel sick
Although I can't see, I know
that twisted former things
reach for me

I squint into the dark depths of broken arms -
each thing is beyond recognition,
a mess of had been achievements

Clouds drift slowly by
with the spinning of the world

This pile sits and sags with time
before being ground up into something new
     just to lie here again

I shudder
And cross the street

Back Into Memory

And you have lapsed back into memory
and I into this Siren's Song

Into the core of you do you retreat
I watch you go
arms pinned to my side,
head at an alluring angle.
I see you watching me
taunting me to run after you
forbidding me to follow.

I set your ship upon the rocks

You scamper away from me
clumsily
It would be funny
     if I could laugh

I shipwrecked you here

You yell at me
Assure me that you don't blame me
grin malevolently
cackle with bitterness

And I break myself down

And you have lapsed back into memory
and I into this Siren's Song

Blindness

The rain falls not so hard when the sun shines
Each droplet blinds me anew
reflecting prisms of light on the way down.
Sitting on the ground, I see the end o f their journey.
The years they've been avoiding since the second
they saw the ground.
But when I look up, my eyes are blinded by water
I'm crying borrowed tears.
That there is no much death in revival
My clothes drag me down into the ether
weighted with lost stories.
The sun bursts forth with renewed vigor
Lost stories stay hidden in the clouds
As my eyes start to accustom to a happy blindness

"Trees For Sale"

Buy some nature
Buy it out of your window
     No don't
     Get it here

The ones in your yard?
     Fake
The ones here?
     Real
     (ignore the plastic)

It's small now
but they grow

Aren't you aware of a tree?

Well I guess not
'Cause you're buying one from me

They Cut All the Daffodils Down

The cut all the daffodils down,
chopped off their heads,
severed their grins....
Only yesterday I passed them on my busy way
while they were waiting
for execution.
     (They grinned back.)
And tomorrow I'll pass their fallen stems
again.

I miss their beaming blossoms.

Broken bodies of newly released prisoners,
heads taken away...
Away
To decorate some table

Jagged stems are my daffodils now
Flowers no more
My life becomes colourless

They cut all my daffodils down

I expect I'm next

Fading Fast

The light at the end of the tunnel is blurred
and fading fast.
Lights illuminate the tunnel as I pass through,
causing me to not notice that
my sunglasses are still over my eyes.
I look to the perceived end
and find that it has been
absorbed into the persistent
brightness of the dark.

There is no end
There is no reprieve
There is no darkness

and we're all scared.

Warm Rain

My frame is chilled through heavy fleece,
Skin prickling against the sun's feeble rays.
But it's bearable, this May chill.
My breath hugs the air
And I see the embrace before my eyes
And you see the same.
A shudder creeps up through my everything
But it's not the whispering wind or
blinding sun or soaking feet.
Pattering droplets remind me it's raining.
but your obstinance keeps the shudders at bay
And even in the approaching cloud
I'll stay right here
So you can keep me warm and dry

Stirring Air

Empty words fill empty cups to the brim.
As I watch, the fizz spills over shining edges,
fading into the tepid air.
Your words, my love, they spill fast,
faster than you could ever pour.

But not fast enough to stop my understanding.

Rosy red cakes tower between us.
I must look through them to see you
     You look at them and don't see me.

I stare at my empty glass and empty plate
and all I can see is lies

     You promised to feed me

I dab my lips with my pristine napkin
and walk away,
leaving you grinning wildly at
poisoned cakes
and stirring air in a glass

No Stars in the Ceiling

My eyes close and the night fully envelopes my frame. The night I held at bay with tired smiles and suppressed giggles finally has won me over, nestled in foreign sheets. I close my eyes and welcome the silent night, my humble repose.
I wish the night was silent.
My thoughts are settling softly, slowly...

A train in the distance, its siren coaxes me to stay aware. The blare jolts my eyes back open ot a dark and unassuming ceiling.

It's not filled with stars.
It's white and empty, shrouded in shadows.

The train's whistle continues on its seemingly unending journey.

A screech of tires calls the attention of my ears to the window.
My eyes follow.

A laugh pierces the quiet.

I squirm to find  a comfortable position to drift to sleep in.
No matter where I thrash too, the sounds follow, hollowing out the quiet, ruining the darkness.

I wake up. My head aches with unrest.
The world has kept me from sleeping.
A constant reminder.

Sleep provides no reprieve.
There is no escape.
There are no stars in the ceiling.

I'd Give Me to You

And I'd give my life for you
I hope you know
I'd breathe my final breaths
so you could breathe a hundred more.
I'll bake you a tiny portions of my love so
you can have a good taste in your mouth
and, hopefully, on some level, know that
this is because
I love you

And I'll coach you through
your silences
a loving gaze, a helping hand...
And I'll guide the pen across the page,
lulling your thoughts to rest,
the method behind your madness
And all I can hope is that you'd
do the same for me.

Only I know that you won't.

Words fail when actions refuse to begin

My watch ticks on, reminding me
that you're late.

I'd die for you, I hope you know

But you don't.
You don't know me at all

A thousand voices attack from all sides
My watch ticks on.
Love, when words end, actions must begin

Sweet Dreams

It frightens me to sleep with words in my brain.
I'm scared they'll leave me when I leave this day.
They fit around my sanity,
toying with perceptions.
They dress themselves up and
lead extraordinary lives
for however long they want.
     I have no control
They taint me in my drowsiness
They caress my face
     Once upon a time
     no
     That's not right

my breath slows
my heart beats rhythmically

My words tuck me in and
change to conduct my dreams
     It was the best of times
     It was the worse of times

     Yes
     That's the right start

Make A Wish

The glow from the campfire lights up her face, creating contours never before imagined. He stares at the mysteries and at the flickering lights in her eyes. Watching only her eyes, he manages to enjoy the fire. Smouldering eyes. That's what his friends would say. He means it differently. He means that the fire is glowing and vibrant in her eyes.

The wood burns.

A sudden crackling of firewood and the light change. She jumps. They all giggle at her and she smiles softly, the glowing wood shadows hiding her eyes. He offers her a marshmallow and her smile widens .
They sit in silence, observing their golden marshmallows, mildly listening to the banter that is unravelling across the flame, but really, they're glancing through the half shadows at the other.

The wood crackles again.
A spark flies through the air. A shooting star.
Make a wish.

He turns to her and she to him.
They put down their marshmallows and walk away, arm and arm, into the night.

Their marshmallows burn.
No one notices

To Chaos

Snow from nowhere pastes itself to the car, clouding judgement, separating the inside from the darkness. Hollow lights drive at us from their unique origins. They illuminate the snow as it falls in its mad decent, sped up by the sheer speed of us. Vague outlines of trees stand guard of the darkness.

A twinkle catches my groggy eyes: A galaxy of stars taken from space and into a B.C valley. The town is surrounded by darkness and disappears with each left we take.

It has stopped snowing.

Too much snow was caught in the dismal beam of headlights.

We're descending into the galaxy.

It's the first time we've encountered civilization in hours.

And I feel so far removed.

We take a series of rights, and the lights stay behind us.

This moment, this feeling was written for me over a century before: I'm heading into the heart of an immense darkness. 

The windows fog again and even the dim glow of the headlights becomes unclear.

I sit here in this darkness with only my words and my thoughts of you, the Beatles' humming gently in my ear, tempting me away from the edge of a bad idea. 

Penny White

Penny White stares into space during math class, caught up in the clouds and goodness of spring. SHe dashes to history, and she fawns over William Blake in her literature class. She laughs with her friends at lunch and gets into a mood after a long day. She spends time with her family before doing her homework when she gets home. She enjoys spending time with her cat and with her books - she loses herself in them.

And I know I've gotten this wrong.
And I know I'm writing about me.
But what's so different about us anyways?

I can't tell if she's real.
And she doesn't know I exist.

Pictures

The world is entirely too concerned
with pictures.
     [SAY CHEESE!]
     (Ahh... That's a bad one!)
     {Take another! I look fat!}

A day an a half exists no more
     because of a disfunction
     (it wasn't the camera...)
The art is forgotten in the nostalgia.

My life wishes to be measured in
coffee spoons again
     When simple talk
     made the memories

     which made a life
     that made me