Heavy Rainfall Warning

It is almost three AM 

And I sit in front of my open window

Alone, eyes heavy

Listening to the rain fall

 down 

      down 

           down

The puddles are uninterrupted by passing cars 

My view is blocked by this safety rail

Whose purpose is to stop me from falling away from reality

    (I let it know it's too late for that)

The rain falls harder under the streetlight

Windows across the street are illuminated 

It seems there are other lonely souls up at this unseemly hour

Cramming in Hobbes or Holderlin or Ginsberg 

or maybe just long overdue chats with friends

I am doing none of that, although I should

I am tired of should

The wind blows into my room,

Pleased that I have open the window

I shiver 

A taxi drives slowly down the road, interrupting my solitude

     Please stay 

I only need to become the tiniest bit more insignificant

And then I can slip through the bars of this guardrail

I can fly away

What is it that keeps me here alone and shivering in front of the open window? 

Something must 

The fog rolls in

And I just sit 

And watch

And contemplate 

And wish and hope and dream and cry and feel and yearn

And sigh 

The wind caresses my face

Wraps its cold arms around me

And sings a lullaby

Until the gentle sound of rain

Is no more 

Try

I fell in love with the idea of you. 

The thought of you was too tempting to resist 

The man of my dreams?

I wouldn't go so far as that

Try: the man who I adapted my dreams to

I fell in love with your friendship 

Blissful and ignorant and cared for

      That was me

      And that was good 

Try: perhaps everything I wanted but was not really sure either way

Warm fuzzies flooded my heart 

When you were near 

      I'm just a cold person 

      With a sadly broken heart

I fell in love with the idea of you

Which you've now left behind 

Try: the man I thought I needed

But that's okay

I have the part of you I love

You just sit there and grin your stupid grin

Try: the idea of you was too good to be true

Broken Windows

The air is heavy with snow that has yet to fall

Out my window, Lights glow softly for those of us who cannot yet sleep 

The road glistens

And I lose the hope I've carefully stockpiled 

Disengaged

Not… sustainable

Words you don't even know the meaning of 

Tossed carelessly around 

Wind shakes the window pane

Which shakes the wall

I shiver

I have no hovel to protect me from this storm 

    Poor Tom's a-cold! 

The clouds remain heavy with anticipation 

But the rain pelts down 

     Or that's what I answer when 

     asked why my face is wet 

Starlight, star bright

      I didn't want this 

I wish I may, I wish I might 

      Help me to understand.

      Please don't leave. 

And so it goes 

Four Way Stop

It is 2 AM and the city shimmers 

The window pane is tear stained

A police car flashes its lights up the block

My back hurts 

The room is full of light that does not belong to me

I am too tired to write this down. 

I look across the city and feel alone.

I long to open my window as wide as it goes 

And reach out

All the way out

Until I feel the water on my face. 

       The wind calls my name 

       Just like everyone says it should 

I want to give in

And let it cradle me

To the sleep I have been avoiding 

To the sleep that won't come. 

The asphalt glistens purple 

The sole stop light flashes red

Stop. 

Then go

Stop

Please stop.