Try

I fell in love with the idea of you. 

The thought of you was too tempting to resist 

The man of my dreams?

I wouldn't go so far as that

Try: the man who I adapted my dreams to

I fell in love with your friendship 

Blissful and ignorant and cared for

      That was me

      And that was good 

Try: perhaps everything I wanted but was not really sure either way

Warm fuzzies flooded my heart 

When you were near 

      I'm just a cold person 

      With a sadly broken heart

I fell in love with the idea of you

Which you've now left behind 

Try: the man I thought I needed

But that's okay

I have the part of you I love

You just sit there and grin your stupid grin

Try: the idea of you was too good to be true

Broken Windows

The air is heavy with snow that has yet to fall

Out my window, Lights glow softly for those of us who cannot yet sleep 

The road glistens

And I lose the hope I've carefully stockpiled 

Disengaged

Not… sustainable

Words you don't even know the meaning of 

Tossed carelessly around 

Wind shakes the window pane

Which shakes the wall

I shiver

I have no hovel to protect me from this storm 

    Poor Tom's a-cold! 

The clouds remain heavy with anticipation 

But the rain pelts down 

     Or that's what I answer when 

     asked why my face is wet 

Starlight, star bright

      I didn't want this 

I wish I may, I wish I might 

      Help me to understand.

      Please don't leave. 

And so it goes 

Four Way Stop

It is 2 AM and the city shimmers 

The window pane is tear stained

A police car flashes its lights up the block

My back hurts 

The room is full of light that does not belong to me

I am too tired to write this down. 

I look across the city and feel alone.

I long to open my window as wide as it goes 

And reach out

All the way out

Until I feel the water on my face. 

       The wind calls my name 

       Just like everyone says it should 

I want to give in

And let it cradle me

To the sleep I have been avoiding 

To the sleep that won't come. 

The asphalt glistens purple 

The sole stop light flashes red

Stop. 

Then go

Stop

Please stop. 

Inhale, Exhale, Inhale

The smells of
skunk spray and cigarette smoke
linger
in the thick curtain of rain

I cannot inhale for fear of distaste
     Avoid the bitterness
     Avoid my neighbours

I use my other senses to live
forgetting the necessity of breath
as the rain streams down harder
     my eyes capture the night
     my ears are soothed by the rain
     my mouth is cooled by the moisture
     my skin tingles from the chilled air

I sit at my window and stare
at the passing specters
and urge time to pass faster
     and slower still

     and slower still

     And then it all
     stops
     before my eyes

I inhale

and tumble back into the
mess of a life that I have

and that midnight rain can never fix

Junk Heap

A pile of rusting junk
stretched mangled arms into the clear
blue sky

I feel sick
Although I can't see, I know
that twisted former things
reach for me

I squint into the dark depths of broken arms -
each thing is beyond recognition,
a mess of had been achievements

Clouds drift slowly by
with the spinning of the world

This pile sits and sags with time
before being ground up into something new
     just to lie here again

I shudder
And cross the street

Back Into Memory

And you have lapsed back into memory
and I into this Siren's Song

Into the core of you do you retreat
I watch you go
arms pinned to my side,
head at an alluring angle.
I see you watching me
taunting me to run after you
forbidding me to follow.

I set your ship upon the rocks

You scamper away from me
clumsily
It would be funny
     if I could laugh

I shipwrecked you here

You yell at me
Assure me that you don't blame me
grin malevolently
cackle with bitterness

And I break myself down

And you have lapsed back into memory
and I into this Siren's Song

Blindness

The rain falls not so hard when the sun shines
Each droplet blinds me anew
reflecting prisms of light on the way down.
Sitting on the ground, I see the end o f their journey.
The years they've been avoiding since the second
they saw the ground.
But when I look up, my eyes are blinded by water
I'm crying borrowed tears.
That there is no much death in revival
My clothes drag me down into the ether
weighted with lost stories.
The sun bursts forth with renewed vigor
Lost stories stay hidden in the clouds
As my eyes start to accustom to a happy blindness